£200 Quid and got Six points

May 28, 2010

Just got back from Newton Abbot Magistrates court where I was fined 200 quid and got six points on my licence. It weren’t my fault guv! Let me explain..
Last summer a photo was taken by a static speeding camera, mounted in a van parked at a hidden location in Devon.

The van made no attempt to stop the offending vehicle from speeding, it just took its picture and let it go past and perhaps kill someone in another county. Speeding is dangerous isn’t it? And one would think that all counties and their police forces would do their utmost to stop it. Unless of course it was a going concern. I believe that somewhere there is a “Britain’s richest camera” site that lists all the really good money spinning speed cameras.
Anyway.. time passed, and your fearless leader…me, was sitting in his dressing room at Frome on the third of December, six months later, when a bloody great copper walks in and states with a grin like a Cheshire cat, “You’ve been nicked my son”.

It would seem that the Devon and Cornwall police have been writing to me for 6 months. They sent the stuff to Dubai, to theatres, Franksie the car hire bloke, even to my ex manager and agents various. I had seen none of this.
My arrangement for cars is simple …… I haven’t got any.

Since the Inland Revenue suggested that I sell my cars to pay their tax, I never bothered getting any more.  I simply hire them for whatever tour I’m doing. I get a 4×4 for the production team and trained killers, and one for me. Sometimes I scrounge the hire company’s boss’s Aston…very posh.

I have a Dubai driving licence as I live in Dubai (till June 14).  So, when the nice policeman gave me the summons to go to court, I pleaded guilty and said I’d pay any fine and enclosed a copy of my Dubai licence!
The Magistrates heard the case in my absence and decided they wanted to see me to, perhaps, ban me from driving.
I called the court and asked if there were any expenses for travelling from Dubai. They laughed.

So down I went , and faced the bench. They were very nice. They are aren’t they?  I ended up telling them I pleaded guilty because I did not want to waste any more police time ….although I wasn’t sure it was me.  A photo was produced; I was still not sure if was me. It looked like Brad Pitt was driving.

The magistrates showed great common sense and gave me their verdict.  …Mustn’t grumble, but…..
How much did it cost for that copper to chase me all over the world?
Could he have used his time arresting baddies?
I know speeding kills.   …..So why didn’t they stop me speeding?
If it’s money they’re after, and we all know it is, why ban people?
It would be better to keep all the speeders on the road. They’re the ones bringing in the revenue, not the sixty year old English teacher in a Morris Minor.
Now we know that speed traps are money making things, rather than safety devices, we should have more – not ban constant offenders …. and to hell with safety. It would seem the Police aren’t too bothered.