I went with Brian Shaw, my friend and promoter. To be truthful, we didn’t know what to expect. When we got to the Cathedral it was rapidly filling up. There was forty minutes to go, so we did what all mourners do, we went to the pub!  After a pint and a heart starter we shuffled back to the Cathedral only to be grabbed and sat at the front by a well-meaning usher who asked me when I was speaking. I told her I wasn’t speaking. She told me I was and I was on the list. My bum went tight. It transpired that she thought I was Bobby Davro, who WAS speaking.

Sitting in front of us, next to Chas Hodges was Richard Digence. He was speaking as well and was cracking!! All Dave’s family were there of course, and many of his friends. Jess Conrad and Rodger Kitter from Sinderella and all of The Odd Balls!

As well as Joe Pasquale and Micky Zany. Bradley Walsh was away working in America and was sad at not being able to come. There were actors, agents, panto producers, Armenian genius Kev Orkian – all Dave’s mates!! What a turn out.

Richard spoke. He was brilliant. He set the tone. Bobby delivered a funny yet moving tribute to the big guy. We all got sad listening to the choir and Dave’s daughter made us all feel terribly proud of her with her moving speech.

We escaped to the pub where I bought a round of drinks and two sandwiches for me and Brian and guess what?…I left without paying! So if you are aware of what pub it was please let me know, as there is a manager thinking that I am Anthony Worrall Thompson!!

Goodbye Dave Lee MBE………See yer mate X

I’m off to Exeter tomorrow to see Charlton Athletic play. Mark from PHB Construction is giving me a lift, thanks to those buggers in Maidstone!  I hope we get a win, as my drinking pal Kevin from The Three Cups is an Exeter fan.  He doesn’t seem very confident though as he wouldn’t have a fiver bet with me!

Off to Canterbury on Monday to the funeral of dear old Dave Lee.  Should be quite a gathering,, he really was popular.  It’ll be a sad old day.

The tickets for the tour are doing well. Harlow Playhouse, on Saturday 10^th March is sold out but I’ve managed to scrounge 2 tickets.  So the first person to leave me a comment regarding these tickets gets them!

Box Office Number: 0141 332 1846

Online Booking: http://www.paviliontheatre.co.uk/xml/shows/shows.asp?id=20120523

The last couple of years were a bit sad, as Dave had lost his beloved wife Linda.  It left a big hole in his life.

I spoke to him last week and although he was quite sick, he seemed very upbeat, even confessing to Mike Osman that he’d discovered food again.

Michelle and I were invited to Canterbury on 31^st January for Dave to receive his Freedom of the City award.  He sadly won’t be receiving that now.  We were all planning a show on 6^th May to try and raise some funds for Dave.  Now this show will turn out to be a tribute show for Dave.

He was a great mate to all of us but now he is with the love of his life Linda and on the 31^st of this month will receive the Freedom of Heaven instead.

Good ol’ Dave.

xx

It will start at the Pavilion Theatre Glasgow.

It will commence from the 23^rd May and run for three weeks before new Scottish dates are added.

Giving Sinderella a Scottish feel is a scream. The casting has begun with a former Miss Scotland contestant Deone Robertson landing the part of Sinderella. Wait till you see her!

I’m so looking forward to this show.

Call the Pavilion and come and see this….you’ll love it.

Box Office Number: 0141 332 1846

Had the night from hell last night. One of the dogs took sick and Michelle went into panic mode. So, vets, sleepless night and watching Strictly Ice skating. If ever there was an example of female producers this has got to be it.  The only saving grace for me is laughing at Phillip Schofield. Who gets him ready? He is now so stiff and locked on to the auto cue he has become a Thunderbird puppet. Watch the way he stares at the camera while the other person is talking waiting for his lines to come up – what a talent!!  Good ol’ Philip you brightened up a rotten night.

Tickets for me, Jethro, Bobby Davro, Rick Wakeman and Claire Sweeney are nearly all gone for the Royal Navy Royal Marine Charity gig in Plymouth on 16^th February. They are putting some restricted view seats on sale…so hurry it will be a great show

Call the box office on 0845 146 1460

Or book online at www.plymouthpavilions.com/prod-productions_details.asp?pid=607

What did she really say to cause this flap? Something about white people…so what? Big deal! Unless you are one of those who think racism goes two ways. What would have happened if someone said the same but about black people? Saying things about whites is ok though. White people are not on the protected list – unless you’re gay of course. It’s all bollocks isn’t it? Oh…by the way, where is the black community? And who are its leaders? What a silly expression. Why have a community for black people and give it leaders as if it’s a separate bit of Britain. Where’s the white community and while we’re at it, where is the white lawyers association and the white police association?  Could you imagine the flap if someone started these!

Years ago I wrote to Stephen Lawrence’s Dad expressing my sadness at his senseless murder. I complimented him on his handling of things. The family have suffered terribly, and I have to agree with Mrs Lawrence, that if the police did their job correctly she would have had 18 years to grieve and not faff about seeking justice. My heart goes out to them.

Big Brother is back on…Haven’t seen so many tit’s since Palace played us at The Valley!

We play Fulham on Saturday.  A free book to anyone predicting the correct score!

Offer ends 2.55pm on Saturday and your comments are time stamped when they come through to me!

xxx

Michelle’s Mum and Dad left Southampton Airport this morning on the Flybe flight BE880 to visit us in Glasgow. The flight was scheduled to leave at 0655 and land at 0830.

We, here in Glasgow awoke at 6 o’clock to the most horrendous storm with winds well in excess of gale force…how come Flybe didn’t know this?

We took the dogs for a walk at 8 o’clock and dodged falling slates!

The BAA Glasgow flight information said ‘scheduled to land 0833.’ I noticed however that the previous flights were scheduled to land at 0700, 0630 etc. It did not show that any of them had landed.

After a cup of tea I checked the website again it said ‘BE880 cancelled.’ Ok. Trouble was Mum and Dad’s mobiles were off.

I looked at the Southampton airport website it said ‘BE880 airborne at 0713.’  Now then, something was wrong. Keeping this information from the panicking wife I called BAA Glasgow and after the agonising taped messages got through to a nice bloke who told me that it had been cancelled and he didn’t know anything else.

I called Flybe and was put on hold for ten minutes and listened to what deal I could get!

After a lifetime of bollocks, I spoke to a girl who said the plane had to turn back and has landed at Southampton. Great! Trouble was…still no mobiles!

I called the number for Southampton airport and was put through to the same place as last time, Belfast by the sound of the person I spoke to.  She was the rudest most unhelpful and insensitive person ever.  She told me to check the airline. I told her I had.

She said, “Well I can only look at the website information.”  She then told me to hang on and after a nanosecond said, “It took off at 0713.”

I told her I knew that.  She then said it’s due at 0830.

“No,” I said, “It’s been cancelled.”

I asked her to check the Glasgow arrivals she said she couldn’t do two things at once.

I reminded her that we were worried to which she replied, “Whatever!”

I said, “I hope this is being taped,”…She hung up.

Meanwhile the wife’s panicking and all thoughts of breakfast vanish. I call Flybe again and after waiting for 11 minutes get put through, only to be cut off at the sound of the first human to pick up a phone. I try again and after 14 minutes get a bloke, “Don’t panic, the plane’s on its way back to Southampton and will land at 1030.”

I had breakfast and then Michelle’s Dad called. They had landed in Southampton it was five to ten!!

What is up with these people? That women at the BAA call centre should be sacked, the rude cow!  And when things like this happen there should be a number to call with no recorded messages, just a person who knows what’s going on.

And the burning question is, why did the plane take off?  All they had to do was call someone in Glasgow who would have told them that there’s a hurricane blowing!

I am glad this year is over.  Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The play was a financial disaster; the car blew up; the boat caught fire and I was banned from driving. The good news is that Charlton are doing well!

The panto at The Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow is breaking all records and I am knackered!!

The cast are a great bunch and we all suffer in good spirits. We have done fifty odd shows and still have 3 weeks to go. I’ll miss Captain Hook when I finish and hope I get to play him again one day.

New Years Eve is a big deal up here.  We could hear people staggering home at six o’clock in the morning.  Glasgow’s a great city and the people are as good as it gets. I love it here, it’s in my blood I suppose.

I nearly bumped into comedian Kevin Bridges the other morning.  I hid my head and scuttled past.  I couldn’t be done with another lecture about the rights and wrongs of comedy from him. Last time we met he bollocked me for calling a fellow comedian an Indian Poof!  Well, I learnt a lesson, never criticize or even repeat what, ‘protected species’ say, even in jest. It’s funny how the new bunch thinks that anyone who laughs at us old bunch are racist homophobic morons.

I wish that Kevin and the rest would realise that not everyone thinks they’re funny.  Not everyone thinks I’m funny.  I don’t think Harry Hill is funny but my mate love’s him.  I like Jason Manford; my pal hates him.

Kevin, by all accounts (I’ve never seen him) is a clever and funny comedian.  Good luck to him. I hope he makes a lot of money.

Frankie Boyle waked past our theatre the other day. I wonder if he thought about buying a ticket. I am in reality a secret Frank lover. He says the things that most of us only see in texts! Some of the stuff is a bit iffy and not to my taste but he has that ‘I don’t give a fuck’ mentality that I sort of like.  I think the Glaswegians prefer Kevin to Frankie.  They are both doing great business around the country and are the new rock stars of comedy.  Enjoy it lads. It’s better than a proper job eh?

Ronnie Corbett got the CBE.  Great.

Plans for Sinderella MacFanni are well underway and an announcement and the dates will be revealed in the next week.

The spring dates go up next week as well.  So ‘Come And See The Show’…it’s a dynamo! As Greg Lake  once said.

Eddie seems to have an insatiable desire to be noticed.  That probably accounts for the way he dresses.  It now seems that a British audience is not enough for Eddie and he has been doing the act in France in French.  Wow, how clever is that?  He even says he wants to do it in more languages.  This man is staggeringly clever.  Well, why bother?  Is it for money or just the desire to impress people?

I watched him last night at the Hollywood Bowl. Now then, be fair – what is the point of doing an awful outdoor gig standing in front of a 40ft screen showing oneself?  He said on the programme, “No matter how big a place you play, think small.”  Well, why not just play smaller places?  Is it a money thing or did he really want to be alongside the showbiz greats?  Outdoor gigs are horrible – everybody knows that.  So why do it?  It’s all part of wanting to impress.  To do things that other people can’t do.  I do admire his determination to succeed in everything.  And what about all those marathons? – a fantastic effort. And appearing as a spokesperson for the Labour party?  Is there no end to this man’s talent?  He even appears in Hollywood blockbusters.  What else is there for him to try and be the best at?  I believe another comedian has beaten him to swimming the channel.

Eddie Izzard is definitely unique but…

…I sat with some of my family and stared at the TV thinking, is this funny?  The Stone Age routine! What were people laughing at? Am I missing something, like starting a film half way through? Does university suddenly give you a different sense of humour?  I must be thick, as it didn’t make me smile once. Did it you?

Anyway I thought it was a good programme even if they couldn’t resist bringing up some controversy from the only comic on the show who doesn’t vote Labour…ME!

Someone at the BBC must think that stand up comedy is in good hands…think again. Have you noticed that all the programmes are a bit incestuous aren’t they, with the same sad old buggers appearing on the same sad old panel shows?  Oh what good friends we all are.  It’s like they’ve all become the new Water Rats. It’s all a bit sad. Mind you it seems a good profession to be in and you don’t have to be that good.  Ben Elton proved that.  And just look at Michael McIntyre.  He’s doing well.  So go on, get a t-shirt on and tell the audience what you had for breakfast.  You don’t have to be funny and tell jokes – just be honest and you’ll be a star overnight.

Now before you say, “You would say that because you’re not on the telly,” think about what I’m saying and ask yourself honestly if these public school boys are funny. Then go and see Jethro and tell me who made you laugh the most.